Survival
I initially thought it was all about surviving until the pregnancy was over! Why I thought that I never know! For some reason I had blocked out the labour process and the section where we actually had to function on no sleep to look after a small human being! Despite feeling that we were really prepared there is nothing on the internet or in a book that can prepare you for the delivery and the following few weeks with a newborn! It truly was a shock to the system!
Now not dwelling on the labour process too much - but we certainly will not be doing it again! On paper the process seems quite simple but in reality - wow! It certainly is the most traumatic thing I have ever done! Garry has described it as a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Plus at the end of it all they expect you to be able to stand up, shower, eat some dinner and look after a baby! You instantly regret all those moments you didn't sleep and rest in the lead up to the delivery process!
Now don't get me wrong the arrival of Jack Arthur Tobias Southgate into our worlds has been amazing! We had waited to have a family for years and we are overjoyed that he was now with us. But in the same instance it was terrifying! We had never looked after a baby before, never changed a nappy, never made a bottle up and what..... there is no manual to help us work it all out! Thankfully with a bit of common sense, some great advice from friends/family and lots of googling of the internet we found our way through the first few days! It was a daunting process though - which was closely accompanied by pain and discomfort from giving birth!
The first two weeks were a whirlwind! A whirlwind of concern, panic and tears from me! I honestly believed that I would never leave the house again and that life was over! I couldn't see a way in which I could logistically get out the house with a baby and achieve anything! The fear of never getting any sleep, never being able to run again or do anything individually hit big time. Yes the baby blues hit bit time..... and what I don't think I realised is that nearly everyone goes through the same thing! Thank goodness for all my lovely friends and family reassuring me that it was normal and it would get better! I struggled to believe them.... but they were right.... it really was just about surviving the first few weeks and not worrying about the future! For now it needed to be a day by day process! As soon as I started to think only a few days ahead everything seemed better!
The real breakthrough was learning I could leave the house! Although the first few attempts were like a military operation it soon became clear that once I had done something once - it was easy and I could do it again! It really wasn't so hard to get the buggy out the door or the car seat in the car! We had freedom! A massive wave of relief came over me as I realised that I didn't need to be stuck in the house 24 hours a day! This is where the fun began!
Survival for me was about having goals! I had always been a busy active person and sitting in front of the tv for weeks on end wasn't going to cut it. Although I knew I needed to be careful until my six week checkup I needed a challenge - something to keep me busy!
Now some people may think I am mad, but a friend had set up a challenge to help raise money for her London Marathon campaign. The challenge consisted of either running, biking or walking 26.2 miles in February! Now with my running trainers firming hung up and the bike still seeming a little painful - walking was my only option! But what a perfect option with a newborn and a buggy in tow!
As soon as I learnt how to get the buggy out the house we were off! The first of February hit and we started logging the miles! I was instantly surprised how much this helped my mood! Having a goal made us have a purpose. Plus Jack loved his buggy and the fresh air! The challenge certainly saved me mentally and also has helped me build up the strength to return to running in the forthcoming weeks! Despite snow, frost and rain we have had a surprisingly sunny February! This has instantly helped with the challenge. As of the 14th of February we have nailed it by already completing 31.6 miles! We have walked everywhere..... to meet people.... in the park.... to the supermarket! Anywhere we have had a chance to log the miles and keep active!
Now the challenge is on to see how many more miles we can complete as a team by the end of February and to receive our first virtual medal as a duo! Am hoping it is the first of many challenges that I complete with Jack over the years to come! By completely this initial challenge it has reminded me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Plus if I can do anything then I certainly can look after Jack and still do all the things I love in time - its just about finding a balance and a new way of doing things! Eventually it won't just be about surviving..... it will be a new normality!